Why can relationships be such hard work? Why is it that we can keep going …
UK TV personality and presenter Davina McCall recently caused a stir in the British media and faced a backlash on Twitter after telling women to keep their men happy in the bedroom or face them straying.
She said that women should keep their husbands ‘sexually satisfied’ even ‘if you are absolutely exhausted’.
McCall polarized opinion with some commentators saying that she had put feminism back 50 years whilst others thought that she had hit on a reason why so many relationships fail.
So what’s the Taylored Life take on this? It’s all about our Values.
When two people are in an intimate relationship they will each have Values with regard to being in the relationship itself and separate Values for sex.
Their Values are the things that are important to them. In relationship these may be things such as trust, fun, friendship etc, for sex it maybe variety, closeness, love etc.
In our extensive experience of relationship coaching, the couples that get on best with each other and are most likely to have a fulfilled relationship are those that either match their hierarchical list of Values or are willing to fulfill each other’s Values even if it isn’t important to them.
We do not advocate one partner coercing the other into something that they don’t want to do or a partner giving in to something just to be in the relationship. There always has to be a win-win position where there is equality and partners do what is important to them because they want to be in the relationship due to a mutual benefit.
Love is … a strategy.
We all also have a deep love strategy, which is how we measure how much our partner loves us/cares about us. This could be the special things that they say to us or the way they look at us or the things that they do for us or maybe the special way that they touch us. Again this measure will be important to us and if not regularly fulfilled will be a reason for us to go elsewhere as we don’t feel wanted in that relationship.
So if two partners’ Deep Love strategies are different they will need to push themselves outside of their own comfort zones to fulfill the other person’s strategy, if the relationship is important to them.
So although we do not think it was particularly well articulated in the way it was reported, we think that if Ms McCall is doing what she does with the correct intention then she has a valid point to creating a lasting relationship. We hope that her partner also fulfills her Values and Deep Love strategy too! Take our Personality Quiz, and then Contact us to find out how you can align your Values and your realities!