True Story. Pessimism Costs You Money. In a recent article in the UK newspaper …
Similarities bring us together; Differences help us grow.
At the start of any relationship, when attraction is at its height, most couples will focus on their similarities. They focus on how much they have in common, their shared likes and dislikes. Their differences are either overlooked, misread or go unseen.
After the ‘honeymoon’ period and the relationship falls into routine and patterns, the differences start to appear…
For a lot of couples they will see this as growing apart and that a period of readjustment is required to deal with the newly discovered differences which of course, were there all of the time.
For some couples these differences can appear impossible to overcome.
Others may feel cheated or that they have been conned into a relationship by this person who they now having nothing in common with. For these, the relationship breaks down and they go after another partner to whom they are more suited.
The cycle then repeats itself when they find the new partner of their dreams is also not like-minded, once the initial shine has gone.
Other couples will go through a transformational phase, in their relationship some assessing their differences, maybe compromising in certain areas and lowering expectations or even by learning and using the differences to strengthen the relationship.
There appears to be a myth that for a relationship to be successful that both partners must be totally alike and remain alike, which is not true.
Partners can have dissimilar interests and personalities which do not need to destroy the relationship but can add value to it.
Yes, there needs to be common ground with regard to what is important to each person in the purpose for the relationship existing but If the differences are appreciated, understood and worked with then a formidable partnership and relationship will be formed.
The biggest threat to any relationship is where the partners stop working at it and for whatever reason the relationship goes unconscious and both become inactive in it’s development.
At this point differences have the potential to tear them apart as they will start to lead separate lives and as a result the relationship will develop a big hole in it and then may be seen as predictable, mundane and boring with little benefit of being together.
The great thing is that it doesn’t have to be over because each partner will have made decisions and choices that allowed the relationship to go into decline. Once each partner takes responsibility for their part there is the opportunity to rebuild and make new choices to build a new, improved relationship.